Cold Coffee

Many of you know that I am a mom of 5. I homeschool my kids, while running my business and charity. Some days are hard. Really damn hard. Life is hard! It's been a long time since I've written anything that wasn't a product review, but today this hit me like a ton of bricks. I know a lot of parents will relate to this (sadly). You're not alone. But one day, this will pass. It will be a memory. Our kids will grow up. We will mostly remember the sweet moments. The snuggles. We will remember just nursing the baby. Not nursing the baby because he was screaming bloody murder. We will remember our husband coming home leaning in for a kiss after a long day at work. We will remember this on mornings when our kids have flown the nest, and we sit at the table eating hot breakfast...drinking coffee that isn't cold. Cut yourself some slack! You're doing a great job!

(I did not edit this after I typed it. It's raw. There are errors. It's fine. Just take it for what it is.)

Breakfast needs cooking, dishes and laundry need washing, bathroom needs cleaning. The dog needs to go out, baby needs to be nursed. I made coffee but my coffee is cold. I heat it up, and take a sip. Bills need to be paid. There isn’t quite enough money. So I work. On my laptop, on my phone. Emails, ads, posts. The baby needs to be nursed. The baby is gassy now….He cries. And cries. Oh…! I take a sip. Fuck! My coffee is cold. I dump the coffee and make a new cup. Ahhhh….a single hot sip. Oh yes, the baby is crying. Burping, rocking, shushing. He sleeps. I do some schooling with the kids. Damn, it’s already lunch time….and the dog needs to go out again. Kids are fighting. Kids are crying. Lunch is ready, but most goes uneaten. Just like breakfast. Oh!!! Coffee….my coffee is cold. I put it in the microwave. The baby is crying. I calm the baby. Clean the bathroom. The baby is crying. I nurse the baby. It’s time to cook dinner. My husband walks thru the door halfway thru dinner. He leans in for a kiss and a hug. I am nearly out of hugs today. I stand at the stove nearly embarrassed of the condition of the house. I’ve been home all day but it looks like i’ve not done a single thing. Meanwhile, I feel like I’ve done the work of 10. Everyone is fed. Everyone but me. I open the microwave to warm my dinner. coffee….it’s still there...and it’s cold. I sit to eat my dinner. The baby cries. I eat. A baby in one arm, nursing. As i drop food off of the fork trying to feed myself. As I eat, I think. Damn….have I even spoken to a single adult today? Most conversations I have are in my own head, or with a child. How many other mothers have a cold cup of coffee sitting on the table tonight? With no hugs left to give!

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